King of the Misfits
by Godric's Pen
Summary: Seventeen years had passed since Hiccup left Berk. And the boy turned man is back, with a few not so little surprises.
1. Partings

**_Yep, another one of these. Don't worry, it's a completely different plot. And feel free to read my other one_**.

* * *

When the helmet clattered to the ground, that's when it went wrong.

How had he ended up here? Oh right, his father dragged him into here to scream at him. And Hiccup was very proud to say that he'd fought and struggled the whole way.

" I should have known. I should have seen the signs." Stoick admonished himself.

" Well, you tend to miss stuff." Hiccup muttered coldly.

" We had a deal!" The chief yelled.

" _You_ had a deal, because you're too busy with what you want to listen to me." Hiccup corrected, voice growing louder.

" What?" Stoick questioned.

" I'm sick of never being heard," the boy continued. " Sick and tired."

" I'm sick of ya messin' everythin' up!" His father said back.

" Yeah, but that's been apparent since I was born." Hiccup green eyes flicked to the large man. " You won't be hurting Toothless."

Hiccup said. It wasn't a request.

" The dragon!" The chief exclaimed. " The monster!"

" He's my only friend! My best friend!" Hiccup yelled.

" Friends with a dragon!" Stoick threw his hands up. " Well, ya really are crazy!"

" Tell me something I don't know." Hiccup crossed his arms.

" And you're a traitor." Stoick added, boiling.

This was going up and down, back and forth.

Hiccup would be darned if he didn't get the last word.

" I'm not a Viking," he announced, " I never was, never will be."

" I see tha' now," Stoick boomed condescendingly.

" In fact," Hiccup continued, brushing harshly past the burly man and stopping at the door, " I'd be insulted if someone even considered me as one of you _monsters_."

And he left.

* * *

Astrid couldn't breathe. The cove's walls seemed to closing in around her. This was insane. This couldn't be happening.

She'd only just realized her feelings, it can't be over. He couldn't be-

" Leaving." said Hiccup, putting his freckled hands on her shoulders.

Her eyes itched unpleasantly. She wasn't going to cry. Astrid Hofferson did not cry. Ever. " What?" She asked incredulously.

" I can't stay," Hiccup mumbled, looking over to Toothless, who was ready go, " It's not safe for him here."

" You're leaving for a dragon?" Astrid exclaimed.

" Yes." Was his solid answer.

And suddenly, she'd thrown her arms around his scrawny form, burying her nose in his protuberant collarbone. She felt his thin, hesitant arms encircle her.

" You're serious?" She whispered.

He nodded.

And Astrid knew this was final. He was the most stubborn person she knew, and when his eyes went dark and cold like that, she knew he'd carry out his plan.

Even if it was foolhardy and built on the chance of Vikings understanding his friendship with a Night Fury.

Astrid pulled away. " Promise you'll see me again." She demanded. " Swear it."

Hiccup smiled fondly. " Astrid Hofferson, I swear I will see you again, if its the last thing I do."

He pushed a blond strand from her face affectionately, so he could see her stormy blue eyes, which were usually so cold and angry, but now were soft and vulnerable.

Hiccup turned to mount Toothless. Once he had, his head swiveled to the blond shieldmaiden again.

" Bye, Astrid." was all he could say.

" Bye, Hiccup." She savored his name on her tongue.

And then he was gone with a whoosh of wings.

And Astrid was left alone with her thoughts and, she'd deny it if asked, tears.

* * *

**_Like? Hate? Either is excepted, review! _**


	2. Royal Twins

A young girl, approximately twelve years old rushed down the stone corridor, ignoring various people attempts at greeting her.

She paid no mind to their disapproving looks at her running, at her sweating, being ladylike and proper was for balls and royal dinners, not now.

She was a pretty girl, though rather scrawny and gangly.

She had messy auburn hair, and emerald green eyes, along with freckles strewn haphazardly all over her.

Her thin frame was made to look even smaller than it actually was due to her green tunic and plain pants being oversized.

The girl gulped air as she reached her shared room and threw open the door. Sitting there at a desk, was a boy, who was startlingly similar to the girl.

He was also skinny and gangly, at about the same height as her, with matching messy auburn spikes and stunning emerald eyes, freckles thrown all over his pale skin as well. And he also wore too large clothes, identical to the girl's.

" What's up, sis?" He quizzically asked his twin, not turning away from his sketching.

" Dad wants- hey, are those the new saddles we were talking about for Sabertooth and Biter?" The girl questioned her brother, peering over his shoulder, momentarily distracted.

" Yeah, I was thinking we could go and get some material from Lendy later. Question is, metal or rawhide?"

" Well, rawhide would be-gah!" She slapped a thin, freckled hand to her forehead. " The steward said Dad wants to see us right away."

" Oh, uh," the boy stood up immediately. " Let's go, then." They hastily took their leave from their room, going to the throne room where their father would surely be.

" Hey, Lorne." They greeted the female guard in unison. " Hey, you two, he's in there." She nodded to the grand double doors. The twins opened them hesitantly.

They really hoped they weren't in trouble, maybe their father had found out about the ship they'd wrecked after all.

They were rather clumsy.

They entered the familiar throne room, which was large and grand. The floors were polished marble, portraits lining the walls. The largest one was of three people, a smiling father and laughing twins.

There was a raised platform, with many stairs to get up there, covered in royal blue carpet. On the platform, were three prestigious thrones, each of them were cushioned with deep jade material.

In the middle and largest throne, sat a man of the age twenty-nine, with the same copper hair and emerald orbs as the twins, freckles littering his skin. He had a shining crown.

" Sneeze, Cough." He greeted, a toothy smile overcoming his face, his eyes glittering. " Hey, Dad." The twins chorused, their own imperfect teeth shown in their grins.

" We're going to have some visitors here soon," the father cut to the chase, scratching the back of his head ungainly.

" Visitors?" The male twin, Cough, inquired, raising an eyebrow. His sister mirrored the expression.

" Remember that queen dragon I told you about?" The man asked.

" The Red Death." The girl, Sneeze, recited.

" Right, well I've been rallying troops to get rid of it. And I sort of have matters to discuss with the, erm, visitors-"

" Aaand you want us to greet them." Sneeze and Cough drawled, each crossing their arms.

" Yeah."

" _Great_, getting all dressed up just to bow and show off our _excellent_ social skills. " Sneeze said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

" Please, guys," the crowned man pleaded.

" Fine," conceded Cough, " But, we have something to tell you."

" And you can't be mad!" added Sneeze hurriedly.

Their father sighed. " What did you wreck, blow up, and/or implode this time?"

* * *

**_So can you guess who the proud papa is? Don't hate me! It's still a Hiccstrid story. But if you really don't like, you really don't have to read, and feel free to flame. Review please! And thanks for all of y'all's compliments and constructive criticism. (If you're really upset, just do what I do; take a deep breath and remember that this is all coming from a too obsessed httyd fan, it's not actually gonna happen!)_**


	3. Greetings

" So, what are we doing again?" Snotlout asked, wiping the vomit from his mouth with a grimace.

Astrid rolled her eyes at his seasickness, though the boat's violent rocking was taking its toll on her own stomach.

" Chief's going to discuss something with the king of a nearby island," answered Fishlegs, looking ahead to the boat leading the fleet.

" So why are we here?" Snotlout whined.

Astrid sighed. " Because, the king asked him to bring the best warriors along. Plus he doesn't know this king, so he doesn't trust him, and we're back up in case he's attacks or something. " she gave Snotlout a venomous look, he would've known had he paid any attention whatsoever.

Seventeen years, and he was still the dim, uncouth boy he'd always been.

" Yeah, Stoick obviously needed to bring me along," Tuff bragged, earning a grin from Snotlout and a shove from Ruff.

" Looks like we're here!" exclaimed Fishlegs excitedly as they approached a dock.

He was elated to visit a new land, especially since this island was new. It wasn't even on their maps.

The area was nice, bright green grass and a big blue sky. Sturdy houses were scattered everywhere, happy children and teens played outside, their parents performing chores and such.

Then, as the Viking party approached, the people all froze.

Dirty looks were shot their way as adults ushered their kids inside, muttering things like, " Hide the dragon."

Too bad the Vikings couldn't hear them. It would've given them a clue.

" What's with them?" wondered Ruff. " Probably just scared," said Snotlout pompously.

" Keep yer guards up," Stoick called as they made their way down a path.

A great stone castle awaited them, it's midnight black bricks unwelcoming, from its towers, flags waved jauntily, daring them to come closer.

So of course they strode confidently up to the huge building.

They were Vikings; stubbornness issues.

As they came a few feet within the castle, it's huge oak doors swung open.

Two odd people walked out, the grimaces on their faces turning into expressions of extreme horror.

The revolted people were twins, a boy and a girl.

About twelve years old, each had an awkward, scrawny frame, a messy mop of copper hair, twinkling green eyes, and freckles peppering their pale skin.

And as well as their slight builds and features, they were dressed in some very odd clothing.

Matching sleeveless green tunics, plain pants, normal enough, if not for the weird leather harnesses on their torsos and leather fingerless gloves that extended to above their wrists. Their boots were leather as well, and went all the way to their knees.

Glinting gold crowns were set atop their heads.

" _Vikings_," the girl whispered to her brother, who made a sound of disgust. " Dad's visitors are Vikings."

Astrid wanted to rip their heads off, who were they to act that way about them? They were brave, noble warriors, and they were just two scrawny, little-

" Hey." They said in unison, sharing a glance.

" I, um, I'm Prince Cough." said the boy unsurely.

" And I'm Princess Sneeze." said the girl, clasping her gloved hands behind her back ungainly.

" Chieftain Stoick the Vast." said Stoick loudly.

The twins looked at each other again. " Well," they talked together again, " Please follow us."

The silence was heavy as they made their way down the stone corridors.

"They're creepy." Tuff muttered.

" No siblings should get along like that." Ruff agreed, swinging the butt of her spear into her brothers gut for emphasis.

" I suppose their the king's heirs." said Fishlegs smartly.

" Some heirs," Snotlout snorted. "They're fishbones."

" And you're a brute with an ego even bigger than your huge, empty head," muttered Cough, his sister matching his insult with an impertinent snicker.

" So, wha' exactly does the _king_ want te talk about?" Stoick inquired, ignoring his fuming nephew.

" You'll see." Sneeze said vaguely.

They stopped short at a big metal door.

" Here we are." said Sneeze and Cough.

They opened the door easily, and in the room, there was quite the commotion.

Four people sat at a large table with a map spread over it.

" Thar's no time te waste, we have te do somethin' about this now!" yelled a woman with frizzy red hair and a thick Scottish accent, slapping a hand on the table.

" We can't just charge in without a plan, Merida!" argued another woman with seemingly never-ending, gold hair and innocent green eyes.

" Aren't we known for our recklessness, Rapunzel?" laughed a pale, platinum-blonde man with his bare feet up on the table, his hand loose around a wooden staff.

" This isn't a joke, Jack!" fired Merida the redhead.

" We all know that," sighed Rapunzel, rubbing her slender nose.

They began talking at once, their intermingled voices growing louder in an attempt to be heard.

" Enough!" the fourth person said, a man, standing up to smack his fist onto the table.

He had a crowned head of auburn hair and his green eyes were narrowed in annoyance.

" It can't be," murmured Stoick.

" It's Hiccup," Fishlegs said in a whisper.

Astrid couldn't speak, couldn't move, _how? What? When?_

" We can't bicker like little Terrors if we want to accomplish anything!" the man threw looks at each of the three.

They had the humility to huff and look ashamed.

The prince and princess cleared their throats awkwardly. " Oh." Hiccup straightened up, adjusting his shirt. " They're here." He said tonelessly.

Merida glared, outraged, at the Vikings, Rapunzel let out a horrified breath and scowled, and Jack sat up indignantly, a hard, cold look overcoming his pale face.

" _Yer_ the king?" Stoick boomed.

" That's right," Hiccup said nonchalantly.

The Vikings bristled and pulled out their weapons.

Merida, Rapunzel, and Jack stood up as well, coming round the table; Merida held up a a bow and arrow, Rapunzel, despite her petite frame, wielded a small, thick mallet, and Jack held out his staff threateningly, each standing at Hiccup's side.

Sneeze and Cough pulled out silver swords, twirling them expertly, shocking the Vikings.

Stoick glared, his hammer lifted outward, " Yer outnumbered," he proclaimed, and half the village of Berk jeered behind him.

" And you're outmatched." The royal twins sniped.

" C'mon," Hiccup said, chuckling, " Do you think I brought you here to fight you?" He gestured to his party, who reluctantly lowered their weapons.

" Who knows how your twisted mind works!" Piped up Snotlout.

" Our father is not twisted!" Sneeze cried, Cough nodded.

" Father?" Astrid whispered.

_Who?_

Her narrowed eyes flicked between the stiffened women on his side.

" That's alright, kids," Hiccup smiled at his son and daughter, " He's just spiteful."

" And cowardly." trilled Rapunzel.

" Like Vikings are." said Jack disgustedly.

" How dare you-" Stoick blistered, but was interrupted.

" How dare _I_?" Hiccup inquired, laughing airily. " You're on my turf now, Stoick."


	4. Racing

Okay, so to make things less confusing, I changed the Big Four-based OCs to the actual Big Four. All of them belong to their respective owners... None of whom are me. Also, this should be technically counted as a crossover, but I'm too lazy, so there. :P Here we go, ladies, gents, and other creatures, your update.

Astrid was going to strangle someone.

No joke.

Her eyes looked from the twins, to Hiccup, and back again.

They were the _freaking spitting image_ of him. The brother and sister watched the current verbal battle between their father and Stoick.

" Still ridin' that devil?" sneered the Chief.

" Yes, as a matter of fact," said Hiccup defiantly. " Toothless!"

The Night Fury swooped from the shadows, and the villagers ducked with cries of, " Get down!"

Toothless purred at his best friend's side, keeping a sharp green eye on the Vikings.

Astrid's heart lifted inexplicably at sight of him; black, graceful, and wonderfully crippled. She'd missed that dragon as much as his rider.

Hiccup stroked Toothless' head absently, and said, " I know where the dragon's nest is."

Stoick's eyes widened, edging away slightly, " Y-ya do?"

Hiccup nodded. " And I'm willing to share the information," he paused glancing back at Merida, Jack, and Rapunzel, " If you're willing to make a truce."

Stoick too glanced at his party. " Wha' sorta truce?" He asked uncertainly.

" Punzie." Hiccup said at once, and the long-haired woman stepped forward.

" _Punzie?_" Tuff and Snotlout laughed under their breaths, and Astrid raised an eyebrow.

_Punzie? Could she be the one?..._

Rapunzel had a sort of determined gleam in her eye, she meant business.

" We are prepared to offer you a deal that will benefit your people as much as ours." She talked briskly, clearly prepared. " At the Nest, there is a horrible beast," her face softened slightly, " A dragon like no other. It controls the other dragons like minion, they must get her food, they have to raid you, or-" she looked around sadly at Hiccup and the others.

_ " They'll be eaten themselves."_ Merida, Jack, and Hiccup said with her.

Astrid had whispered along with them. She'd always make excuses to not kill dragons these days.

Stoick raised a furry eyebrow, " And?" He prompted, unsure of the problem.

Hiccup slapped a hand to his forehead.

" Wow, Hiccup, and I thought ya were exaggeratin' when ya said he hated dragons." Merida said, folding her arms coldly.

Rapunzel sighed. " We have to kill it. And we need the help of your warriors."

Stoick too crossed his massive arms. " An' wha' if I said no?"

Hiccup opened his mouth to say something when Jack butted in. " Then you say no. We don't really _need_ you. I'm sure there are more warriors. Better ones in fact," he sneered, something glinting in his blue eyes, " If you're too scared, then-"

Astrid growled. " We're Vikings! We're not scared of some monster! We've faced more than you can-"

Jack laughed aloud, a boyish chuckle, " You faced more? You have no clue what Hiccup's done-"

Hiccup's cheeks went red, and he smiled awkwardly, " You'll have to forgive Jack," he clapped a hand on the older man's shoulder, " He loves to cause mischief."

Jack shrugged, " It's what I do."

Stoick tightened his arms. " We'll do it."

The rest of the Vikings' jaws dropped.

" Cheif!" exclaimed Tuff.

" You c-can't be serious!" Snotlout said louder.

Stoick scowled. " Of course I am. We've been searchin' for the nest for centuries, and this our chance to finally get rid o' the dragons!" He cast his glare to Hiccup. " It's not te help you. This is for my village."

Hiccup smiled all the same. " I'll take it!" He said.

" And you can thank my diplomatic skills." teased Rapunzel, folding her arms in a mock-smug way. They all laughed.

Fishlegs clasped his hands. " So what now?"

Hiccup rubbed his chin in a thoughtful way; Astrid's knees went weak.

" Well," Hiccup said with the utmost reluctance, " We're leaving next week, so I suppose you'd better stay."

Sneeze and Cough made odd spluttering noises. " Stay?!" Cough yelped. " Here?!" Sneeze asked loudly.

Hiccup sighed. " Yes, here." He looked at them apologetically, " It shouldn't be a problem, if they keep to themselves-"

" Oh, we will," snorted Ruff.

Hiccup frowned. Sneeze and Cough groaned. "Fine." They said simultaneously.

" And ya two," Merida said, smiling sweetly, " Can show them the guest hall."

Cough and Sneeze's eyes widened. " Come on!"

Merida shook her head, " Well I ain't doin' it!"

" Ain't?" Jack snickered.

" Watch yerself, Frost," Merida warned, fingering her bow.

" Don't be so hard on them, Merida, it's their birthday." Rapunzel offered, beaming.

Jack brightened, " Oh yeah! Happy Thirteenth, kiddos!" He said, bounding over and ruffling their copper mops.

" Thanks," they smiled, clearly jubilated.

Hiccup sighed exaggeratedly. " So, you kids ready to make dad feel old?" He asked sarcastically.

The family of three exchanged cheeky looks. " We'll do our best," the twins promised.

Stoick cleared his throat. " Thar's still the matter of who's showin' us this guest hall."

" Oh, yeah," Hiccup grinned, looking to his kids, " On three?" They nodded. " One." Hiccup said. " Two," Cough laughed. " Three!" Sneeze finished.

Hiccup, Sneeze, and Cough sucked in huge breaths and bellowed together, " STEWARD DAMION!"

At top speed, a man in a crisp suit bustled in, " You called, Your Highnesses?" He asked, eager to serve.

" Please show our..." He looked to the Vikings appraisingly. "...er, guests to their hall."

The steward nodded. " Yes, at once, Your Majesty." " Follow me," he said snappily to the Vikings, trotting out the door.

Astrid had never seen such a place, polished marble floors, stone walls, portraits of people and dragons all over the walls. She loved it.

" This place is weird," Ruff muttered to her. " I guess," Astrid whispered back.

Suddenly she saw two heads of auburn streaking down the hall.

" Let's follow them!" Astrid murmured to Ruff, Tuff, Snotlout, and Fishlegs following along.

The royal twins were talking animatedly about something, Astrid edged closer to listen.

" Ready for the race with Splinter?" Cough asked. Sneeze nodded to her brother, " Of course," she said, then feigning faintness, " Oh, unless he beats us with his huge, manly muscles, and I fall into his arms like the sweet little princess I am!"

They snickered together.

" Hey guys!" Some one called from outside.

" Coming!" The Haddocks yelled back.

They jogged out of the castle doors, going to a large patch of grass, where awaited three teenagers.

One of them was mousy-haired, with rather large forearms, and a valiant smirk, who must have been Splinter.

Another was a girl with wavy black hair and armor, and crooked glasses on her face.

The third was another boy, with rich blonde and huge brown eyes, and a sweet smile.

The girl said as Sneeze and Cough got closer, " Their Royal Highnesses approach," the three teens sunk into bows.

Cough and Sneeze turned beet red. " Ah, we told you to quit doing that, Areece!" Cough said embarrassedly to the raven-haired girl.

" Sorry," the blonde boy apologized for her, " But the looks on yours faces!"

The twins crossed their arms. " Be nice or we'll sick Sabertooth and Biter on you guys," they warned together.

" Like they could stand up to Slimer," scoffed Splinter, petting a green dragon beside him. Areece giggled at the glares sent his way.

" Oh, please," Cough said back, equally condescending, " Slimer trembles at the very sight of our dragons,"

" They have a fair point," the blonde boy said, " An Acidfang against two Darkbreathers? Ha, Slimer wouldn't stand a chance."

They all laughed.

" Thanks, Filius," Sneeze smiled to the blonde boy, who grinned back shyly.

Splinter crossed his arms, "Ready for our race, Princess, Prince?"

Sneeze exchanged looks with her brother, a determined glitter in their eyes.

" This guy's going down," Astrid murmured without thinking.

" Please," snorted Snotlout, "Against Hiccup's kid? You wish."

There was blur of black as identical dragons landed next to the Haddocks.

They were slender, with silver claws, yellow eyes, and pearly white fangs protruded from their mouths.

The twins mounted with ease, and so did Splinter.

" Ready..." Areece said.

" Set..." Filius continued excitedly.

" GO!"

And they were off, blurring through the air, the Darkbreathers in the lead, clearly not trying, and twins turned slightly in their saddles.

" Ready?" Sneeze called to her brother, grinning as the wind whipped through her hair.

" Always!" Cough yelled back.

Without another word, they stood in their saddles, simultaneously flipping off, and they nosedived, arms tucked in, shooting like torpedoes to the ground.

" THIS IS SO AWESOME!" They shouted together.

At the last second, they called, " Sabertooth!" " Biter!", and the dragons swooped under them, catching them firmly in their saddles, and they whizzed past the finishing mark.

Seconds later, Splinter and Slimer pulled through, thoroughly owned.

He fumed, " One day, I'll win, and then you'll really want to marry me, Princess."

Sneeze and Cough blanched at the thought. " Not likely," she snorted.

" Aw, don't blame him, sis, not everyone can resist all that," Cough joked, bumping his sister's shoulder playfully.

" This is too creepy." Tuff commented. " It's like watching Hiccup in miniature!" Fishlegs agreed.

" Uh, what are you Vikings doing here?" The Prince and Princess yelped at them.

_Busted._


	5. The Unfair Things Will Break You

A prince and princess walked through the forest behind their castle, bored and alone.

" Man," sighed Cough, " Those Vikings were-"

" Weird." His sister finished, nodding.

Cough laughed a little, " That Snotlout guy, can you believe him?"

Sneeze chuckled as well, " I know right. Behold Splinter's future." She raised her hands and shook them slightly for emphasis. They sat and leaned against a tree.

They looked at each other, and Cough asked, " Do you think we should get back?"

Sneeze shrugged, " I dunno, I mean, not that I'm not looking forward to the ball, just not-"

" The dress," Cough read her mind as they grimaced and shuddered together.

" Ugh," Sneeze gagged, " Last year's was the all-time worst! _Maroon_!" She threw her arms up and fell onto her back.

" Not your color," Cough agreed, " And, gods, the ruffles, hideous!"

Sneeze groaned, " A new _level_ of hideous."

" But-" Cough began and Sneeze said the last part with him, " We really shouldn't be late to our own birthday party."

They heaved themselves up and walked briskly toward the castle.

" Do you think the Vikings will be there?" Cough wondered aloud, making a face.

" I don't know," Sneeze answered thoughtfully, " Dad seemed pretty soft on that blonde woman."

* * *

Hiccup thought this was really ridiculous.

He was being dragged through his own castle, by a girl (woman?) he hadn't seen in seventeen years.

She shoved him through the nearest door, and slammed it shut behind them.

" Uh, Astrid-" he tried to reason with her, as they were in a broom closet.

" Don't you 'uh, Astrid' me!" She shouted, utmost rage flooding her features. " _Seventeen years_! Seventeen years, Hiccup! Seventeen years I _waited_ for you! Waited for some sign, waited for you to come back, like you _promised_! And then you bring me to this stupid kingdom of yours- _don't interrupt me_!" She added as he opened his mouth to defend himself, " You bring me here, and what do I find? _What do I find?!_ I find you're a _king_ who's _married_ with _children_!"

Hiccup coughed uncomfortably, " I, um, I'm not married."

Astrid froze. " What do you mean?"

Hiccup backed as far away as he could in the small space, " Well, ah, exactly what I said. I'm not married."

" B-but," Astrid spluttered, " You have-"

" Kids, yeah," Hiccup rubbed the back of his crowned head, " But wife, no."

Astrid shook her head, " Who's their mother?"

Hiccup looked away, so as not to look her in the eyes, " She-"

Astrid interrupted, " Is it the perky one with the golden hair? Rupanzel or whatever her name was?"

Hiccup laughed as though that was the funniest thing in the world.

" _Rapunzel_, you mean? Gods-"

The door was suddenly opened. " Oh." Stuttered Sneeze and Cough.

" Uh," Hiccup stared back, positively mortified.

" Are-are we interrupting something?" Sneeze asked awkwardly.

" _No!_ No, of course not!" Hiccup yelped, ducking out of the closet.

He rocked back and forth on his heels and the twins mirrored him. " Sh-shouldn't you kids be, uh-"

" Getting dressed for the ball, yeah, ah-" Cough stammered back, tugging at his riding gear for emphasis.

" So, we'll just, eh, just go." Sneeze finished.

With that they turned and walked away, oozing ungainliness.

" Speaking of that, I have to get dressed too so-" Hiccup turned to Astrid hopefully, who glared and said, " I'll be there, and you better be ready to talk."

Hiccup looked helplessly at her retreating form, utterly defeated, and proceeded to drawl to himself, " Da da-da, I'm dead."

* * *

Astrid whipped down the corridor, back to the guest hall, when she heard a most peculiar noise coming out of the closed door she was passing. Was that... Shrieking? " No, no, Rapunzel! Merida, tell her! Not that one! Come on, its huge!" Sneeze's voice cried. The door was flung open, and Sneeze tumbled out, barefoot and stripped of her riding gear, left in only her tunic and pants, her hair tousled and her eyes wild. In her hands, she brandished a metal clothes hanger.

Rapunzel and Merida rushed out, each holding a brightly colored ball gown.

Sneeze held the hanger out in a way that made her look more desperate than menacing and shouted in a panicky voice, " This is for self-preservation!"

Rapunzel sighed and rolled her grass-green eyes, " Don't be so dramatic, it'll look great on you," she insisted.

Merida looked at the dress in distaste, " I dunno, Punze, maybe the wee rascal is right, this thing'll hang right off her tiny limbs."

Sneeze pursed her lips, deadpanning, " Thanks for summing that up, I'm so grateful."

" Or I could just let her put it on ya..."

" No, no, I am grateful! _Really_!" Sneeze nodded fervently.

From a room across the hall, there was shout and a scuffling noise, as a struggling Cough ran out, hung onto by Jack who was clearly amused.

" C'mon, Jack, I am not wearing that!"

Jack shrugged, " It's what Punzie picked out for you,"

Cough shot Rapunzel a look down the hall that clearly said, 'what did I do to you?'

" In what world would anyone wear this?" He pulled out an assortment of frills and lace that was either a really ugly suit, or a really itchy blanket.

Rapunzel held up her hands, " I will not be held responsible for this, I didn't pick that. I have better taste than that."

" Maybe for girls." Cough muttered.

" That's debatable." Sneeze countered.

Rapunzel pouted, " I'll have you know that I make my own- oh!" Her eyes went wide with excitement, " I have the perfect gown!"

She grabbed Sneeze by the skinny wrist, dragged her back into the room, motioned for Merida to follow and slammed the door shut behind them. Cough looked to Astrid whom no one had yet addressed.

He uttered a single word, " Later." And Jack dragged him back into his room.

This was the weirdest family ever.

* * *

Crystal chandeliers bathed the ballroom in golden light, people and dragons everywhere, smiling and laughing, shouting greetings to each other from across the room.

Some dressed in fine clothes and pearls, others in plain wool, but no one seemed to care, they all seemed to be wearing whatever they wanted, doing whatever they wanted.

_Free to be_.

Astrid had eyes only for the man who stood amicably at the front of the room, decked in a red fur cape and a white suit with silver buttons, a golden crown precariously on his messy head of copper, a grand black dragon that was more of a scaly puppy the way he showed off to all, vying for attention with toxic-green eyes, at his side.

King Hiccup.

You mightn't have took him for a king if you didn't already know. He treated all the same, hugged and shook hands with everyone, forgetting no one, knowing the names of all.

He was their equal.

By his sides, three people socialized with him.

Merida was beautiful, teal gown and all, a headpiece with a single blue jewel placed on her head of fiery curls, confident and outspoken, loud, carrying laugh heard all around the room as she thumped people on the back and grinned.

Rapunzel was something out of a fairytale, golden hair back in a complexly styled braid, flowers of every color stuck in, a crown with rock-sized diamonds on top. Her bright purple dress complimented her warm glow of a complexion, her dainty but strong hands waving haphazardly as she smiled largely at all.

Jack Frost was decked in a cream-colored shirt, dark blue vest, and a pale blue cape loose over his lithe shoulders. He wore no crown on his wild, snowy spikes, though he exuded royalty anyway, his bright-blue eyes lidded amusedly, glittering smirk of snow-white showed off to everyone.

Still Astrid saw no one but Hiccup.

It infuriated her that she felt this way, how her stomach still filled with flapping dragon wings, how she wanted to smile when she saw him.

She hates that she loves him.

" Welcome Misfits!" He called and the room suddenly quieted.

Astrid gaped at Hiccup's words, misfits? How could he say something like that?

But the citizens of the kingdom smiled from ear to ear, as though this was the greatest compliment they'd ever received.

As though this was all they ever wanted.

And maybe it was, Astrid supposed, they wanted to _belong_.

" I'm so glad that you're all here to take part in my son and daughter's thirteenth birthday!"

Cheers went up.

Hiccup laughed, " As you know, when a Misfit turns thirteen they undergo a rite of passage," he lifted his right hand, showing a black tattoo on his palm, marked with the symbol of a Night Fury.

Everyone raised their hands, showing their own tattoos of other various dragon symbols.

" This marks them as true Misfits and riders, and binds them to their dragons for, well, eternity." He let Toothless lick his face for good measure.

The Misfits laughed.

" We-he-ell," chuckled Hiccup, cringing slightly and wiping slimy dragon slobber off his cheek, "Without further ado, everyone, Prince Cough and Princess Sneeze!"

At the top of the grand, red-carpeted staircase, they were there.

They looked... _Elegant_.

Pale skin glowed in the light, freckles like paint on a canvas. Green eyes twinkled as candid smiles spread their lips and revealed crooked teeth.

Cough was dressed in a dark green tailcoat with brass buttons and matching pants over polished leather boots. His calloused hands were covered in white silk gloves. His normally spiky auburn hair was slicked back suavely.

Sneeze was in a dark green dress with slightly puffy sleeves that showed her skinny, freckled arms. The dress was floaty, giving the illusion that she was walking on air. Like her brother, she too wore white gloves. Her hair, the shoulder-length locks that usually splayed out carelessly, tangled and windblown, was brushed and shiny, pulled back into a low ponytail, the sides braided.

They of course, wore their crowns.

They were _spectacular_.

The twins walked, unusually graceful, down the steps, slow and deliberate, eyes on the ground below.

This was their moment.

They reached the bottom of the stairs, gave the room a once-over, and looked to their father and smiled a little wider.

In a second of perfect unison, the royals slipped the gloves off their right hands.

They held them up, revealing identical designs of swirling black, Darkbreathers, and the real things landed swiftly beside them, seemingly coming from nowhere.

All was silent as the prince and princess stood there, hands held high, their dragons alert and waiting.

Then it was a supernova.

Rowdy cheering filled room to capacity, screams of delight and jubilation obnoxiously happy, as the twins smiled the same smile their father would've.

The king's eyes gleamed with pride and possibly tears, as he stood there with a bittersweet grin.

But in spite of all this euphoria that bubbled in the room, Astrid was devastated.

Her tough walls caved in as she stared around at this world, Hiccup's world. A world in which she didn't belong.

And for the first time in years, Astrid fell to her knees and sobbed.

Sobbed like the broken woman she was.

A warm hand, texture rough but caress gentle pulled her up by the shoulder and led her away from the oblivious room.

" It's alright," said the nasally voice that had deepened into a man's. The voice she'd laid awake straining to remember every night for seventeen years.

" N-no, it's not. It's not fair!" She wailed, frustrated at how weak and childish, helpless she felt.

His chin rested on her head as he pulled her close and murmured, " I guess you're right, Astrid, it isn't fair. It isn't fair at all."

His voice broke.

* * *

Oh, c'mon people, you really think I'd give you everything in one chapter? It's killing me to hold out on you... Well actually it's not. So review. So yeah. Funny then saaaaaddd. So very saadd.


	6. Promise

By the time Astrid had composed herself, people were already dancing.

She was back in the ballroom, Hiccup next to her, awkwardly explaining her presence. " An, um, old friend..." He'd say.

Hiccup was asked several times to dance by various people, but declined.

" You never answered my question." Astrid folded her arms, looking up at him with still red eyes.

" Hm?" Hiccup shifted his face to her.

_Gods, is that stubble?_ " M-my question," she shook the thought from her head, " Is Rapunzel the mother?"

Her tone was biting, and Hiccup felt as though he was going to drop dead then and there from the sheer sharpness of it.

Despite this, he chuckled, " Well, she's _a_ mother."

Astrid frowned confusedly, "What?"

Hiccup smiled, " Oh, here she comes now."

Indeed Rapunzel was walking over, pulling a tall, ruggedly handsome brunet man by the hand. " There you are!" She exclaimed, eyes straying to Astrid curiously for just a second, " Where have you been?"

" J-just catching up with, um..." Hiccup trailed off nervously.

Rapunzel's eyes widened, " Wait! Is this _the_ Astrid?! Oh, she's exactly how you said she'd be!" She cried in an excited whisper.

Hiccup talked about her? The man next beside Rapunzel smirked, " Nice going, man," he said teasingly, flashing a smile and looking Astrid up and down. Then he winced as Rapunzel swatted him in the chest.

Hiccup's face flushed and he laughed awkwardly, " Ah, Astrid, this Eugene, Rapunzel's _husband_." He stressed the word 'husband' with an amused air.

Well didn't Astrid feel dumb.

" You're married?" Astrid asked faintly, running a hand over her face.

" For nearly sixteen years now." Eugene confirmed, smiling winningly and wrapping an arm around his wife.

Hiccup seemed to have regained his composure and grinned back, "So how's Snapdragon, Punzie?"

Rapunzel sighed. " He's not getting along well with those two."

Hiccup nodded, as though he'd expected this, " Well, a new dragon can be tough to adjust to. Especially with kids."

_Kids?_ Astrid thought.

Eugene raised his eyebrow, " Actually, she was talking about Max and Pascal."

Hiccup burst into fits of laughter. " I should have seen that coming," he got out through his hysterics.

Rapunzel tucked a strand of blonde behind her ear with a weary smile, " Well, we didn't. Who knew Maximus and Pascal could be so territorial? They've actually started ganging up on Snapdragon! The poor little guy is-"

"Mommy!" A little girl's voice cried. A small girl, about five years old in a powder pink ball gown ran over, with blonde hair, brown eyes and an indignant look on her chubby-cheeked face. A small green chameleon trailed behind her. " Mommy, Daddy!"

_Kids_.

Rapunzel smiled concernedly, " Hi sweetie," she bent down next to her, " What's the matter?"

The little girl sniffed, " I can't find my crown."

Rapunzel automatically swiveled her face to her husband, "Eugene?" She asked suspiciously.

He held up his hands, " Don't look at me."

The chameleon made a squeaking noises and motioned frantically with his scaly, two-toed paws.

Rapunzel stood up with her hands on her hips and shouted, "FLYNN!"

A boy ran up, about two years older than the girl, with short brown hair and a heart-shaped face. He held his hands tightly behind his back. " Y-yes, Mom?" Flynn stuttered and leaned away slightly, frightened by the blaze in his mother's eyes.

Rapunzel raised an eyebrow and scrutinized him, " Did you steal Flower's crown?"

Flynn looked away and then back again. He rocked back and forth on his heels, " This is a great party, Hiccup," he said to the man, stalling and smiling nervously.

Hiccup crossed his arms, shaking his head, " No, no, no, you are not dragging me into this."

" _Flynn_?" Rapunzel pressed.

He let out a great huff, " Okay, yes! But only because _she_ took my paints!" He pointed an accusing finger at Flower.

Flower shrieked, " I did not!"

Flynn glowered at his little sister, " Did too!"

" Did not!"

" Did too!"

" Did not!"

" Did _too_!" Flynn yelled, and lunged at his sister, grabbed a fistful of her hair and tugged.

" OW!" She cried.

In return, she whipped out a cast-iron pan. She swung it around and into her brother's face.

" OW!" He screamed, as he fell over.

Astrid gaped. _Was this normal?_

Sure, kids roughhoused in the village, they were Vikings, but this little girl? The one in the fluffy pink dress?

And who carries frying pans around anyway? Where did she even keep that thing?

" Flower!" Rapunzel gasped, grabbing her tiny arm as she went for another swing, " You can't hit your brother with that frying pan!"

Flower looked up at her mother, almost curiously, " But when you're mad at Daddy you hit him with it," she whined as her mother yanked the pan away.

" And Flynn, you can't pull your sister's hair," Eugene reprimanded while inspecting his son's face.

Flower got him right in the nose.

" But she took my paints," he sniffled, rubbing his face and glaring at her.

" _I did not_!" Flower screeched, struggling in her mother's grasp.

" Oh, that's it," Rapunzel said firmly, standing up, " Hand it over. The both of you."

Flynn sighed exaggeratedly, but pulled a small silver crown from the inside of his vest and reluctantly held it out.

Flower snatched it immediately, and placed it on her head, sticking her tongue out.

Rapunzel gave her an expectant look.

She too sighed, and pulled a small case of paints from a lacy pocket of her dress.

Flynn grabbed it and shoved it into his vest.

They crossed their arms and looked away from each other.

Rapunzel shook her head at Eugene, " They are your children."

He smirked at her, eyes flicking smugly and deliberately to the frying pan in her hands. " Oh shut up," she snapped at him.

Hiccup laughed, " Okay, lovebirds, calm down."

He knelt next to the siblings, " Why don't you go play with Sneeze and Cough," his eyes strayed to where his own daughter was desperately trying to fend off suitors.

She was red in the face as someone kissed her gloved hand, and Couch stood protectively beside her. His normally gentle expression was locked up, his crooked teeth bared unconsciously.

He looked ready to rip the guy to shreds. If Biter didn't do it first.

" I'm sure they'd be glad for the distraction," he chuckled a little, but Astrid could see the clench of his jaw.

That was his little girl.

His little girl who wasn't hers. Wasn't Rapunzel's. So that left... Merida.

* * *

Flower and Flynn had long since ran off to torture the royal twins.

Rapunzel and Eugene left shortly after to dance, and Astrid took her chance. " So. Why aren't you and Merida married?" She asked coldly, crossing her arms.

Hiccup was so surprised he spit out the drink he'd just taken a sip of. "What?" He choked.

" It's not Rapunzel," Astrid continued, looking him in the eyes, " So it must be Merida."

Hiccup laughed, " Not likely," he said wiping his mouth, " First of all, Merida is just a friend. A good friend, a sister even. Nothing more. Besides, she's too stubborn to marry anyone. D'you know she's had men trying to win her hand since she was sixteen! Man, will that willpower, the woman could move a mountain."

Their eyes strayed to a table where a crowd of people were huddled around Merida and man three times her size were arm wrestling. Merida quickly overpowered him, his arm going thunk onto the table.

" Yes!" She yelled triumphantly, standing up to high five three redheaded men who were very obviously identical triplets.

The men whispered something to Jack Frost, who was smirking, then snickered. Merida quickly shoved each of them.

" Why're they laughing?" Astrid asked.

Hiccup chuckled a little himself, " Those are her younger brothers. Hubert, Hamish, and Harris. And they're laughing because they greased the table."

* * *

Hiccup and Toothless strolled the castle grounds, utterly exhausted.

" What a night, eh bud?" Hiccup mused and Toothless warbled in agreement, ear plates drooping in tiredness.

The party was finally over, and it must have been early morning already.

Astrid hadn't stopped bugging him all night long. After finding out that neither Rapunzel nor Merida were the mother of Cough and Sneeze, she demanded to know who it was.

Now, that was a touchy subject.

One that he preferred not to talk about.

He'd quickly slipped away, with a great alibi if he says so himself.

Oh, who is he kidding? He made a series of spluttering noises followed by a, " Well, I-I better go!" And proceeded to avoid Astrid and dance and talk with everyone possible for the rest of the ball.

Hiccup squinted slightly in the moonlight as he saw two shapes.

Stoick.

A Gronkle.

They were fighting.

The dragon roared made to ram into Stoick, who grabbed it by the tiny ears and swung it around.

Hiccup ran closer, Toothless sleekly following and growling.

" Stop!" Hiccup yelled, shoving the Chief aside and shooing the Gronkle away frantically.

The dizzied dragon was more than eager to oblige.

" What do you think you are doing?!" The king demanded, rounding on Stoick.

The large man swelled, " I was doin' what Vikings do." He answered stonily.

Hiccup let out a humorless, bitter snort, " Isn't that the truth!"

Toothless was in a defensive stance behind him, growling and grumbling, teeth unsheathed and bared in a snarl.

" I can't believe you have the nerve to try and hurt a dragon like that! Here! On my land!"

Stoick's hands flew to his large waist, " It was about te-!"

" I don't care," Hiccup breathed through his nose, calming himself, " Dragons are... Free range, I guess, here. They are our friends, our allies-"

" The reason ya betrayed yer family. The reason ya left."

" No Stoick!" Hiccup shouted, throwing his hands up, " I left because there was no life for me on Berk! No life for me or Toothless! So I left, and I started a place of my own! A place where anyone and everyone could be who they wanted to without being judged! A place where everyone was free!"

Stoick crossed his massive arms, his voice shook with disappointment, "Ya were s'posed te be great. Ya were s'posed ten times the Viking I am-"

" That!" Hiccup exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at the large man, " That is yet another reason why I left! You didn't care about me! You didn't love me! You only ever saw what was wrong with me! You only ever saw what I "should've been", but you never ever saw me! You never even bothered to look!" Using his fake Scottish accent now, " 'Oh, look, there's Hiccup, he's small an' puny! He's a lil' diff'rent from the rest o' us, let's shun him an' pretend he doesn't exist!'"

All these years later, they were both still as resentful toward each other.

Stoick scoffed, " At least I tried to discipline ye. Yer children run round without any sort of order-!"

Hiccup seemed to grow a little taller in his rage, as his cheeks heated up in anger.

That was the final straw.

You tried to attack him, on his land, thank you very much.

You touched the dragon. Tried to harm the dragon.

And now you've messed with his kids.

Its on.

He roared a little, " Don't you dare talk about the way I parent my children! Don't you dare talk about them! What would you know?! You were never any sort of father to me! I'm glad I have Sneeze and Cough, because I got to be the father you never were-"

" By lettin' them risk their necks-" Stoick interjected.

" By letting them be who they are! By letting them know that no matter who they are or what they do, I will always love them! I will always be proud of them! Never, even for a second, have I made them think that my judgement of them depends on their size or their strength! Everyone makes mistakes, Stoick, its a part of life! But they know that no matter how they mess up, no matter how many times or how badly, at the end of the day, they have a father who loves them and cares about them, and wants them. That's something you never gave me." Hiccup turned swiftly away, done now, motioning for Toothless to follow.

Without looking up the king said, "If you or any other Viking ever so much as looks funny a dragon I will hurt you so badly that no one will be able to even recognize you. Is that clear?"

Stoick stiffened a little, and muttered, " Yes," through clenched teeth.

Hiccup began walking away, turning down several halls until he came to Sneeze and Cough's room.

They were both sitting on one bed, reading one of the books they'd gotten for their birthday.

Hiccup stood quietly and watched as Cough grinned excitedly and pointed to something on the page. Sneeze laughed and nodded, " Look at that metalwork! If we were half that good-"

" You're already better," Hiccup chuckled, finally walking in.

They looked up in surprise, " Oh, hey, Dad," they greeted in unison.

Hiccup smiled, " I came to say goodnight. Shouldn't you be asleep?"

They grinned sheepishly, " Sorry," Sneeze said, " This book is just the best!" Cough finished.

Hiccup came over and ruffled his son's hair, " Then read it tomorrow, okay, guys?"

They laughed, " Okay, Dad."

Sneeze climbed out of her brother's bed and made for her own, but Hiccup caught her gently by the wrist and pulled her back.

He pulled his children in for a hug, and they hugged back, " I love you both."

" We love you too, Dad." They said confusedly, sharing a glance over their father's shoulders.

" Just wanted you to know," Hiccup laughed, pulling away.

" We do, Dad. We always have."

* * *

Astrid walked down the hall, thoroughly annoyed. All she wanted to know was who the mother of Hiccup's kids were so she could go pummel her. Was that too much to ask?

Suddenly, a hand shot out of a door to her left, dragging her in.

" Let go of me! I'll-" Astrid tried to threaten, hands seeking her axe to find it missing.

" Ye'll what?" A voice scoffed.

Astrid realized she was sitting in an uncomfortable wooden chair, in front of her were Merida, Astrid, and Jack.

Merida had her axe.

" Give that back!" She demanded.

Mother or not, bad things were gonna happen if the redhhand didn't hand over in the next three seconds.

" Hold on," Rapunzel held up her hand, " You'll get it back, after we've talked."

Astrid folded her arms, glaring, "Then talk."

It was Jack who spoke this time, " We know you and Hiccup have a history. We know that he's not over you-"

Astrid snorted. _Riiight_.

" And that you're not over him." Jack finished, face serious.

_Right_.

Merida glowered, eyes ablaze, " Hic's been our friend for a very long time, and we've been with 'im through nearly everythin'."

Astrid's eyes widened, " Everything?" she asked, suddenly hopeful, " So you know-"

" We know who the twins' mother is, yes." Rapunzel finished, frowning angrily.

" Glad she's not around, too." Jack spat, cool manner gone in fury.

" But that's not we're here to tell ya," Merida put her hands on her hips.

" We _are_ here to tell you that you better watch yourself." Jack revealed, " Hiccup's too... Hiccup to realize that you might hurt him."

" Lucky for 'im we're around."

Rapunzel leaned close to Astrid's face and said very slowly, " And we promise that if you do hurt him-"

" It won't be pretty," Merida cut in, cracking her knuckles.

" Promise." They repeated at the same time.

" And when I make a promise, I never ever break that promise. _Ever_. " Rapunzel practically hissed.

Hiccup's sure got some scary friends.


End file.
